Dear Mitt Romney. It's not funny any more.

*Sigh*

Dear Mitt Romney.

This is not funny any more! You have just made so many stupid slip ups that, I am really starting to worry about your mental health.

What were you thinking? What were your advisers thinking? What thought could have possibly possessed your brain that made you think that saying you don't care about 47 percent of the american public was a good idea?

I think I might have about the same chance as becoming president as you do. I, a British, labour supporting, borderline socialist, liberal, Darwin believing, Christian, at the age of nineteen believe that I might have the same chance of becoming president as you do. Or, at the very least, I could give better advice on public speaking than your people did.

1. when on a diplomatic (ass kissing) trip to Britain for the Olympics don't say that you think its going to be a failure (that's our job!)

True the British public weren't feeling too good about the Olympics either, but if you start saying it too they will rain down on you with fury and anger!

2. Even if you say "who cares? fuck the planet" in a nice way there are still going to be people who notice what you're doing.

3. You are only a Mormon try to not sound like you're an alien that has replaced the "real" Mitt Romney on behalf of the body snatchers.




Actually I think I might know what you were thinking. The 47 percent video was taken at a fundraiser. That means that the Democrat party wants money for their election campaign so they invite a lode of rich people and businessmen to these things so they can listen to you and give money if you're doing what they want you to do and generally saying "fuck the poor" (Corrupt? No! Not at all! Everyone does it!). At this point in you're life you believe there is no possibility at all that the "unwashed masses" are actually watching. Which may show that you and your advisers know nothing of the modern world. We are always watching so you  always have to be on, every man with a camera phone can be a spy for the media and we are everywhere!

The Manic Pixie Dream Girl.

Dear Reader.

you know when you come across an idea or a phrase  that just describes something so perfectly that you realise you've already had the idea in your head but you've just been waiting for a way to describe it.

The Manic Pixie Dream Girl is a recurring stock character in (mostly indie) films and novels who has all or most of the following characteristics

1. Brightness (this can just mean that they are smarter or more strong willed than anyone else or like something that is bright they just seem to stand out from everything else in the universe)
2. Loveable weirdness (be that an unusual obsession, philosophy or simply a hipster taste in the arts)
3. An ability change the way the moody male protagonist sees the world.
4. They are very pretty, not necessarily in a kind of sexy (maybe even predictable) way, but always seeming like they are way out of the protagonist's league even though she inexplicably is still attracted to him.
5. Like a pixie, being free and wild, they inevitably leave the protagonist returning him to his perhaps even more depressed and moody state.

Famous examples I know of are the character Summer Finn in the film (500) Days of Summer played by Zooey Deschanel (who almost defines the general look and feel of this stock character) and the character Clarisse McClellan in the wonderful book Fahrenheit 451 who is famous (in my life at least) for being the first fictional character from a novel I may have actually fallen in love with.

and the whole thing raises a couple of questions the first is one I can't even start to understand which is "why is it always a girl?" Don't moody girls want to meet weird wonderful imaginative boys who brighten up their lives and change and challenge how they think? Maybe I'm thinking about this all wrong or maybe its because in stories where the male characters are weird or unusual they are also the main character and a bit of an underdog which the female character eventually realises they should have been in love with all along (which is kind of the opposite of the male version).

The second cluster of questions I suppose is probably the questions asked by most of the men who go to see these films or read the books is do these women really exist or are they entirely idealised wish fulfilment fantasies? If they exist, where the hell are they? Because, like pixies, these Girls are almost mythological. Do people not see them simply because other men find them so attractive and appealing that none of them are single any more they just disappear as soon as they're created? (after a year of working in a creative writing course I can tell you this might indeed be true because there are a lot more writer arty types in a relationship than than not) but finally if women are constantly trying to emulate people they see in the media like super models and almost comically dressed celebrity idiots why aren't they emulating the Manic Pixie Dream Girl?

And before you ask I am in no way saying women look like these characters or whatever. Its just women have always had this idealised version of the perfect man who listens and is funny and bakes cakes or whatever, which has all come from the media and similarly I think what a lot of men have been trained to want by the media is someone who's just unbelievably cool.

Coolness by the way is a standard that has fallen out of favour in recent years and its a real shame. Probably because it should never have been used to described the "cool kids" at school because they weren't. My friends are, and much like the pixie I fear for the day when they realise I'm not really one of them.

Richard Feynman is "Kinda' Nutty"

Dear Reader.

This is Richard Feynman who I believe should be in the top ten coolest scientists and I can give you at least three reasons why he should.

1. He played bongos. Alot. 

This video is of him playing bongos with some guy who lived near his house (not a physicist) and people who followed him and admired him would ask this guy "well what does he talk about?" and he'd say "well we talk about stuff, sometimes we talk about bongos."

2. He cracked safes in his free time. In fact, while working for the American government he managed to guess the 9 digit code for the safe containing all the research for the Manhattan Project, in two goes. He tried what he thought were the two most obvious numbers 1. the first nine numbers Pi (3.14159265) 2. the speed of light (299 792 458 m / s).
Not done with that he turned up to work the next morning placed the Manhattan Project file on his boss's desk and said "you need to change you're password". That is pretty bad ass. I imagine him just swaggering out of there, with maybe, just, this playing in the background.

3. He has a brilliant way with words. He always seems to explain things so well but more importantly he never used a metaphore that's a "good lie" (one that sort of works).

A good metaphor

Why a you should never use a bad metaphor 

Kate Tempest.

Dear Reader

Okay... I am really supprised I haven't posted this poet. I had to check a couple of times just to be sure. This is Kate Tempest. The name you should always say when people ask is rap have any technical or literary complexity?

Brandon Generator (among other things)

(http://www.brandongenerator.com/) <- Brandon Generator website.

Dear Reader.

Do you ever feel there are slightly too many stories where the main characters are writers with no money and/or writers block? If you're looking for a really good one I recommend "Keep the Aspidistra Flying" by George Orwell if you can read it and still want to be a writer then there's a chance studying to be a writer won't break your spirit and destroy your life. Anyway I digress, it kind of makes sense that they would. If you believe you have nothing to write about start, by writing about a character who believes he has nothing to write about.

Brandon Generator is one of the odder ones I've seen (web address at the top) it kind of reminds me of this writer called "Ben Moor" in it's ability to play with words and I think its narrated by the guy from "The Mighty Boosh" (look them up they're funny and weird). The idea was that people saw the episode every week and then they'd send in their ideas as to how the story would continue (there was a similar idea on BBC 7/Radio 4extra (depending on your era) called "Chain Gang" which I recommend you keep an eye out for) and like many things in life I've only discovered it quite a while after it was popular. If hipsters really want to avoid being mainstream the answer is not to be cutting edge and pretend to be the leaders of the mainstream instead it is better to remain loyal to things and rediscover things even after mainstream has finished playing with them. There speaks the voice of the youngest of three.

Looking back on this post I kind of realise that for everything it does I can find something else that has already done it and I don't know what that means. Does that make it bad? No. I enjoyed all these things pretty much equally. What it does mean though that I have an annoying mind that can remember these things and recognise them as recycled pasterns and point them out to me before I have the chance to enjoy it but on the plus side I have just manage to cover this post as one giant Amazon "If you enjoy this bit then you might enjoy this" style review of something that I found genuinely entertaining. The good thing about talking to you through the internet is that you already have at your finger tips the largest referencing system in the history of the world. I can say that one of the few things I know in Latin is "nolite te bastardes carborundorum" and that I first heard it in a book called "The Handmaid's Tale" and if you're intrigued you can go look it up without it being a problem.

This is Ben Moor if you're intrigued

Say what you like about the Olympics this is one kick ass advert

Music by Elbow

Dear Reader.

I keep hearing people (mostly from other countries, American Mitt Romney for example.) saying that British people are really negative and critical and "unpatriotic" about the games and worrying that its all going to be too expensive and don't get me wrong its all true but I would argue that that's what being British is all about. We come together the most as a country when things go embarrassingly wrong for example today there was this thing where bells were being rung across the country from church bells to cow bells and there was someone there from the Olympic comity saying that everyone was so well prepared that nothing could go wrong and mid ring his hand-bell fell to pieces. My entire family cheered.

About the thinking about it being an economic, artistic, logistical balls up. Just because we think about it doesn't mean it will. I bet every country worries about this stuff but they never admit it, if the Britain is anything its a country of realists. We aproach patriotism with a sense of mistrust partly because we know the things that are recognised as "typically British" that always go with enforced patriotism are A) shit and B) not really enjoyed by the British (a lot of the time we eat fish and chips out of necessity not really for enjoyment).

The Masterson Inheritance

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Dear Reader.


I always find that comedians, are at their best when they're trying to make other comedians laugh and this format of making up an entire story on the spot leaves allot of intentional misinterpretation that's just brilliant especially since they never quite want to do what the narrator wants of them. I have BBC Radio 4extra to thank for my interest in this program (which actually finished when I was about three) who have been bringing many of these series back from the grave for people like me to enjoy. There are of course many copies of it on YouTube if you care to look.http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b007jstr/The_Masterson_Inheritance_Series_1_The_Sweat_of_the_Mastersons/

Meanwhile on British television.

Dear Reader

I find these things so you don't have to.

Waiting for Godot while waiting for tea.

Dear Reader.

standing in a dark kitchen lit by a microwave oven. I wait for my tea to warm and rotate and watch "Waiting for Godot".

The story is a mystery. Not a story about a mystery but all the way through you literally have no idea what the characters are doing, what they're going to spend the 2 hours (or so) doing and you don't know how its going to end.

I have to watch this play for my course next year I'm doing "modern drama" so I decided to look it up on YouTube bite the bullet and sit down and watch the bloody thing and I quite like it. I don't think I could bare to read it or bare to sit through a poorly made production but then again I don't think I could bare reading or sitting through a poor version of hamlet.

I'm not sure if I'm supposed to find it as funny as I do, but its only half way through.



This is the version I'm watching. If you care.

The Old Road (More from the Man in Black)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00p4klw/The_Man_in_Black_Series_2_The_Old_Road/- The Man in Black - Series 2 The Old Road


Dear Reader.
this is from the Mark Gatiss version of "The Man in Black" he did very well in the role. Really creepy series, there are still some episodes I won't ever watch, I won't even share the zombie episode (Flesh) you'd be surprised what can be accomplished without any pictures. The sound of gore, the whisper of terror, the scrape of unease. I've heard someone say in horror films its always the monster you can't see which is the most scary, the monster in the darkness, the movement at the corner of your eye, the cold breath of air at your back, and when you turn you find, nothing. Imagine how scary it is when you can't see anything at all.

This is one of my favourites. Maybe you shouldn't listen to this if you're about to go driving at night. Or maybe you should...

Good night...

"My Guilty Pleasure" (I am Dave [exclamation mark] Yognaut and I have the balls!!!)

The Animated Version

The Original

Dear Reader.


The yogscast is one of my guilty pleasures I find them really funny, especially their Mine Craft series. And though you may be thinking "well it could be worse" I can tell you what makes it worse is I have never played a single minute of MineCraft ever, in my entire life, not a single second logged on this game, I do not own a copy and yet thanks to their videos I probably know more about this game and subsequent games that they've done (portal for example) that I could probably accuse someone else who plays the game, of being a Noob. Perhaps its their charm and wit, perhaps its the fact that when they play they never really take it seriously, perhaps its that at one point in my life I was a gamer too and I'd like to keep in touch with my nerd heritage but either way, I try to never miss a single episode, and there are hundreds of them.


I don't like the phrase "guilty pleasure" anyway, I shouldn't really use it, because, when people say their guilty pleasures its always something that wouldn't make someone that guilty. Its always, "spaghetti hoops, ABBA music and soap operas", not "crystal meth, chronic masturbation and child pornography".

All that person is saying when they tell you their "guilty pleasures is "these are the things that I do that are on the border of being taboo, these are the things that I almost feel guilty about but feel innocent enough that I'm willing to talk about them." Ultimately it tells you very little about the deep down darkness of their lives and the things they actually feel guilty about.

The Big Society.

Dear  Reader.

This is really cleverly done. Really scary. Really...persuasive.

Robin Ince

Dear Reader.


I'm going to see this guy in a tent, at this Liberal Christian arts festival called "Greenbelt" in Cheltenham near the end of the holidays (some call it liberal we call it "sane"). I'm really excited about it, partly because of this but also I really want to go back there its brilliant. Its my home its my happy place and even if it meant staying in tent all my life I would stay there forever if I could.

Ray Bradbury

Dear Reader.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00tf9pp/Stories_of_Ray_Bradbury_All_Summer_in_a_Day_and_The_Fog_Horn/

More brilliance from Mr Bradbury "All Summer in a Day" and "The Fog Horn"

A Good Man Goes to War

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b011rf7y/Doctor_Who_Series_6_A_Good_Man_Goes_to_War/

Dear Reader.

this by far is my favourite Doctor Who episode. So many brilliant lines. Such an epic battle. Such a brilliant ending.

Away we go.

Dear Reader.

I watched this today, its one of my favourites (my absolute favourite would probably be "its a wonderful life" but there's a time and a place) I watch it at uni when I feel lonely, sad and homesick. We all need films like that.

It's got a bloody brilliant sound track from Alexi Murdoch too.

the Stories of Ray Bradbury

Golden Apples of the Sun & The One Who Waitshttp://www.bbc.co.uk/i/tf7b6/

Dear Reader.

I once said to my dad that I wanted to be like this writer when I grew up.


The second one of these "the one who waits" is absoloutely brilliant.
Such an old and often over done idea but done in a way that is so origional.

The Man in Black

Dear Reader.

my grandma almost hurt herself thanks to the Man in Black. Once when she was a girl, she was listening to the radio in the bath she heard the Man in Black's voice she jumped up out of the bath to turn it off and she slipped and fell.

Here's an Episode from the Edward de Suza era. I didn't know where to start, there are so many on YouTube if you care to look, hidden in the dark places. Let us then with no other sense of direction, start at with at the very beginning. Episode one.

Good night. Sweet dreams. Muhahaha!

Here's Some Stories.

Dear Reader

By sheer coincidence that the first eppisodes these three series all start this week and god help you I will post the following eppisodes every time I spot them come round.

Undone (series 2)-Ben Moor
http://www.bbc.co.uk/i/7jwq5/
Night Watch-Terry Pratchett
http://www.bbc.co.uk/i/b010ns71/
The Man in Black (series 2)-Mark Gatiss
http://www.bbc.co.uk/i/nlyg9/

I should tell you that series two of Undone might make slightly less sense to you because its one big story (series one is missing),but I should also tell you that Ben Moore and everything I've ever heard from him ("Elastic Planet" and "Undone" - radio series and "Ceolacanth" - one man show and short story) is impossibly charming and funny.

The Man in Black eppisodes however, stand compleately on their own. I also recomend the orrigional series called "fear on four" (featuring Edward de Souza as the Man in Black).

"I'm Here" 2010 a short film by Spike Jonze FULL

To my dearest Reader.

Oh there is nothing that I could say about this short Film that could make you watch it or explain why I like it so lets just say "WOW!"