Dear Reader.

Dear Reader.


My Mum is going into hospital tomorrow and they're going to do an operation and I know that the chances are nothing will go wrong but I'm scared. I know that something could happen. So if you could please either pray for her or keep that in mind for the next few days or what ever I think that might help me to know.


I probably won't be bogging as much until its all over, because I kind of feel like the future is uncertain untill it is all over, if you know what I mean. I usually have some sort of sense of what I'm going to do next week and the week after that and if something goes wrong that will be different.

Meanwhile on British television.

Dear Reader

I find these things so you don't have to.

Ruben Skyjuice (Captain Crazy)

Dear Reader.

Mytholmroyd's neighbouring town is Hebden Bridge. It is famous amoung other things for having the highest ratio lesbians in the country, for being the fourth funkiest town in Europe and for having one of the highest number of UFO sightings in Britain. Because of the general popularity for crystal readings, aura cleansing, pseudo-budhism (ignoring the bits that tell you to give up your possessions and stop ingesting addictive substances) and any other form of religion that involves spending lots and lots of money, the Hebden Bridge Times horoscope takes on a whole new level of crazy with the writings of "Ruben Skyjuice the wealthiest astrologist and healer in Hebden Bridge".


His predictions range from the creepily specific; 


Pisces


"Excessive grooming of your eyebrows
-plucking shaping and shaving
-has left you looking permanently surprised. 
This apparent amazement at 
everything, no matter how tedious, 
confuses friends and colleagues this week. 
Except during your visit to the safari 
park on Wednesday when you are 
genuinely "surprised" by a silverback Gorilla."


to the down right mental


Aquarius


"With the dawning of the Age of
Aquarius now safely behind us, by
A few weeks, it is time for you to go
out in the world and begin to lead 
your deciples to the Golden Dawn.
Start right here in Todmorden by 
walking the streets in your golden
robes and drawing your followers
close, pied-piper like, before 
marching down the valley singing
joyous songs and dancing a crazy jig,"

You may think this is mad (or you may even think I'm making it up) but just think how brilliant it'll be if just one of the predictions come true. It takes allot to impress the Hebden Crowd so if you're going to make a prediction you've got to think big.

I once read a horoscope that started by saying "you never do as people tell you and you always think for yourself" so I stopped reading and put it back down.

by the way if anything in these predictions happens to any of you this week I will I don't know, buy you a cake, or perhaps help you fight the gorilla that surprises you.

http://www.hebdenbridgetimes.co.uk/news

Lego

Dear Reader.

this is what happens when you leave me alone with Lego. My dad bought about fifty grey Lego ladders for some sermon illustration he's got planned and unfortunately he left them out on the side...
...
I have a serious problem.

I've been rationing myself to about a jar full of lego at uni because I know if I brought any more than that with me, I would never stop.

Did you know that Lego supports the national autistic society? Which is wonderfully appropriate.

The story about the Nun on the stage.

Dear Reader.

My Dad told me about this thing about a nun who'd been told that she was to do a dramatic performance for a big alternative worship service for some of the local churches. She was told to do a monologue from the point of view of the virgin Mary talking to Elizabeth (the mother of John). She was a little uncertain but she knew allot about the story and she fairly well known for being well practised in story telling already. Some nuns are good at singing, some at teaching, some at charity work, she told great stories, it was her gift. So she said yes. So on the night of the service she walked out on the stage in front of the big crowd, slumped down in her chair and waited for silence. When silence came she spoke. Without introduction or explanation she sighed angrily and said the following words

"Our Jesus 'as been a right little bugger lately..."

HATS!!!

Dear reader.

This is my new hat. For the summer I will be wearing this. I wear trilbies, though I only have two of them 

here they are!!!

And I don't really have clothes that matches them. I know they look stupid dear reader. That's why I wear them. I'm however I'm not really sure why I want to look stupid. Perhaps perhaps for fun,  perhaps for a writer's uniform, perhaps to look like an "individual" (though I shudder at the thought of trying to be an individual. YOU ARE ONE), perhaps its to stand out and get noticed, perhaps the opposite perhaps I want to be ignored  people to look at my hat rather than the rest of me or to drive them away by  looking a little bit mental.

I don't know. I enjoy wearing them though and my winter one can be  quite practical, it keeps your head very dry in the rain.

Weeds.

Dear Reader.

Me and my dad were standing in a grave yard the other day. It was just that my dad had something to do that meant he needed to go to the church on the grave yard's land and I enjoy hanging round graveyards (its a hazard of being a vicars kid that you get used to death, I even know what hymns I want at my funeral. I don't know what hymns I want for my wedding... I'm not sure what that means). Every way we walked in this grave yard there were weeds everywhere. Trees, shrubs, balsom, flowers and grass grew up between the stones and vines and moss sometimes engulfed the stones entirely. And I kind of felt wierd about it firstly because I felt sad that any of the people underground were entirely forgotten and were never to be mourned because now, no one could actually see who the graves were occupied by. And secondly because I realised with a little element of the macabre that every single tree, plant, bird, fly and ant were probably grown and fed from the bodies that lay beneath the ground. Then I wondered if it would be better to keep the weeds after all. It would remind people.

Narrow-bordered Five-spot Burnet.

I think I saw one of these in the grave yard, its a moth not a butterfly (and no I didn't take the picture). Its quite beautiful isn't it?